Thursday, October 24, 2013

401k? No thanks....Prison is my retirement plan.


I'm sure they all look like this.


Self explanatory.

As most of you know, I'm a personal trainer. As I approach 40, I'm starting to think about what I'm going to do when my body will no longer allow me to workout for a living. There isn't a retirement plan at my gym, so I figure I got 3 options...

1. Meet a sugar mama
2. Walmart greeter
3. Prison

1.... Well, let's just say, I'm not gonna hold my breath.
2....I don't think I want to discuss my tattoos with every customer for the rest of my life and let's face it....nobody wants to see some old crusty tattooed lesbian with a bitchy resting face the moment they walk through the door....The Walmart experience is bad enough!
3....So prison it is!

Think about it. I can workout all day, maybe start tattooing again on the side so I can buy some Twinkies and toilet paper....and there are plenty of chicks! I mean they may only be "Gay for the stay" .... But that's cool.

And then I think about what crime I would commit. I certainly don't want to hurt anybody and I want the option to get out in like 10 years so I can go out to eat a few times.....and then when I'm bored, broke or homeless, I can commit another crime and head back to my bunk. I guess I could do something like write bad checks. Do a little shopping....maybe take a little vacay perhaps??? Ohhhh the possibilities!

Prison has always been my retirement plan, but after watching Orange Is The New Black, it sounds even better....Just call me Poussey!

Yes... It's probably a good thing that I never reproduced.

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