I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam

A few months back I was going through some difficult things and was really down on myself. I was at work and was exhausted from getting up at 4:15 am training and teaching all day on top of my personal drama. When your career is based on motivating people to exercise, you really can't have a bad day. You have to do your best to fake it. Something I have never been very good at. I wear my heart on my sleeve at all times. I consider the majority of my clients friends, and the moment they walk up to me, they know if something is wrong. Around 5:30 pm that day I was training my last client and we were chatting about what was going on. He said to me, "You know what I like most about you? You are authentic." I had never really thought about it...but that one moment completely turned my day around. I don't think anybody could have given me a bigger compliment. On that day, if I would have made a pro and con list of things about myself, the con list would have been very long and the pro list very short. But if someone put a gun to my head and said I could only put one thing on the pro list...AUTHENTIC would be it.

We all want to be liked and feel like we belong. Our society is made up of a million little subgroups...some good and some...not so much. Some like the Peace Corps make the world a better place. Then there are groups like the KKK that own their hate and then those who claim to be good, but preach hate if you don't follow their rules. (Fill in your own example :) ) There is upper, middle and lower class. Preppys, jocks, gamers and goths. Some people are being themselves and fit perfectly into the group and others are doing their best to change to be a part of it. I have never fit too neatly into any one group. I never understood why you would want to limit yourself by trying to fit perfectly in some little tiny box. I prefer to dabble. Why not take the best things from a bunch of different worlds and own that shit! 

True things about me that you may or may not know....I cry...a lot. Movies, commercials, stories I hear, stories I tell, weddings, a dead squirrel on the side of the road...bottom line...I'm a big fucking baby and proud of it! I'm SUPER emotional...don't let the lack of expression and dead eyes fool ya. I enjoy the color pink. I love me some Oprah. I love to cook and grow herbs. I paint my toe nails. I like musicals and chick flicks like Steel Magnolias and Beaches. I don't like to touch most people, but if you are my old lady, I want to touch you all the time. I save all my touching for the one I love. (Get your mind out of the gutter.) I mean I like to get my cuddle on...spooning rules! I love ALL animals and especially kittens. The list goes on and on. People that don't know me might not guess these things based on my outside appearance and the way I move through the world...but it's all true.

If I love you as a human being...I will tell you. If I don't like you as a human being, I will not acknowledge you. I was not given the ability to bullshit. There have been many moments in my life like school, the Army, my career and MANY relationships where I wish I had that ability. Life would have been a whole lot easier and I probably would be much more successful if I was good at politics and playing the game. But I'm not. I'm fully aware that that inability will no doubt hold me back in life to a certain degree and I think I'm okay with that.

If you don't like me...I GET it. I really do. I'm an acquired taste. You don't have to pretend. Show it. I may not like you either, but I will respect you for your honesty. We can agree to disagree and be passing ships in the night. Don't smile to my face and then stab me in the back. Who's got time for that shit? I'll sniff your ass out, I promise and then I will not only dislike you, but I won't respect you either and to me, that is so much worse. 

People play games all the time, some without even knowing it. You know like when you first meet somebody and you REALLY like them and all you want to do is be in their world in some way at all times. But something stops you. You went on one date and instead of texting them on the way home like you want to, you wait two days because you don't want to seem too needy. Or you don't contact them at all because you want them to do it. Or maybe you pretend to like football to get the guy, but you truly hate it. Maybe you give the illusion of wealth but are really broke as fuck and all your credit cards are maxed. (I think I just saw your car get repo'd) The truth comes out eventually. The bait and switch never works out. Why not just show them who you are from jump and then you don't have to spend the entire relationship pretending to be something you are not. 

The best thing you can do for yourself and all the people around you is be true to who you are. You may not win any popularity contests, but you will sleep better at night knowing that every word you spoke that day and every action was authentic. The people that will surround you will be all killer and no filler!