Thursday, June 20, 2013

Disco Pooh

I give you three pictures. One is a bottle of Elmer’s Glue…clearly. The next, a record player. And finally, a picture of my dad doing drag for an American Legion fundraiser… I assure you it was the one and only time. He is actually my stepfather. He was a welder that took on raising two kids when he married my mom. We were poor…really poor. When he met her, instead of bringing her flowers, he would bring her food for us which could be a 50lb bag of potatoes or a ¼ of a cow. Not very romantic I know…but needed. But this isn’t a sad story. He saved us.
Fast forward to Saturday. I was taking a cycle class and the instructor said we were going to sing along to a song. Which upon hearing this made me want to leave immediately. She reassured me it would be just one. It was “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield. Upon hearing that, I told her I would sing too. Call it fate of just a strange coincidence, but that was my favorite song when I was seven…yep…I’m old. My dad gave me my first record player that year. It was a bitchin’ Winnie the Pooh record player called ”Disco Pooh.” It was the best record player ever and it came complete with flashing disco lights. He also gave me a “Jessie’s Girl” 45 rpm record to go with it cuz it was my favorite song. That would be his greatest mistake. I played the hell out of that record. I drove my family absolutely crazy. I had that shit on repeat for months. Finally my brother snapped…and then he snapped my record in half and threw it at me. I was devastated. How could he do that to Rick??? My future husband! As soon as my seizure subsided, I pulled myself together, got some Elmer’s Glue and glued that shit back together and BAM! I was back in business bitches!!! I was singing along at the top of my lungs within minutes with the volume all the way up and my door locked to protect me and Rick from any future assaults. The icing on the cake was now it was even MORE annoying because every time that needle went around and hit that sloppy glue seam on the record and it made a “thud” sound. So once again…old Nikki got the last laugh!
So I’d like to thank my dad on this Father’s day for giving me the gift that kept on giving…and giving…and giving. My brother is currently in therapy because of it. Seriously, the real gift was him becoming my dad. I love you…even though you called me “Button”…and then put that on the license plate of my first car which opened me up to harassment and nonstop ridicule in high school. I will be 40 this year and he still calls me Button every time he sees me. Why you ask??? Cuz I’m cute as a button…duh.

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